I was way too young and pretty dumb about it. Also, I did it for all of the wrong reasons. I barely knew him. I wanted to get out from underneath my parents to have my own life and feel grown up- and I wanted to feel love and happiness. I though that by being married, it would bring me love and happiness. You know, like in fairy tales and Disney movies.
Boy, was I so wrong.
When I look back on all of the red flags throughout the 3 years we were married, I want to punch myself! How could I have been so stupid, naive, and ignorant?
Until one day, I got some balls and I decided to get out.
Divorces suck. No matter the circumstances. However, my divorce taught me 8 important things that I would've never known if it had not happened to me:
- Don't change for anyone. The one who truly loves you will not care if you like blasting Taylor Swift behind closed doors and that you secretly enjoy playing bingo with the old folks on Thursday nights. If you feel yourself having to change to make somebody like you, then that is a HUGE red flag. My current husband is the first man I never had to change for. And boy was that nice! He loved me for all of my quirks- good or bad.
- You've got to love yourself. This was one of my biggest issues. I did not respect myself enough to leave until I had lost every part of who I was. I should have left when it no longer felt right, but I stayed for the other person and because things were just "comfortable". Don't make this mistake-life is way too short. Love yourself and most of all listen to yourself! It does not mean you are selfish. It just means you know when you have had enough of a bad situation.
- There are no regrets or mistakes, just lessons learned. Take your divorce and use it as a learning experience. Use it to make yourself wiser and to learn what to do or what not to do for the next time around. Now, you know exactly what you do and don't want in a mate. Make a list and save it for future reference.My ex-husband was:
- He was selfish, arrogant, immature, conceited, heartless, and moody.
- He loved himself mostly.
- His priorities were screwed up and jaded.
- He was terrible with money and loved spending and gambling.
- He was never content with the life he had. He always wanted more and more.
- Most of all: he was not happy and probably never would be.
- You can improve yourself. We are not perfect, we are human! But if there were any parts of you that contributed to the divorce that you wish you would have changed-change them now. But, do it for yourself-not someone else. Marriage can teach us very important details about ourselves-some positive and some negative. Use this revelation to learn and grow within yourself.
- Life goes on. After your divorce, you may feel feel like you do not know what to do with yourself. It is okay. Why? Because life isn't just going to stop. If anything, you now have the freedom to LIVE your life the way YOU want it to be. Start a new hobby or take a new class.
- You will experience a rollercoaster of emotions. Even though you could or couldn't stand the person whom you are divorcing, you can guarantee you will feel at least some of the following emotions: anxiety, confusion, "what ifs", hopelessness, sadness, happiness, thankfulness, regret, anger, bitterness, the list goes on. Redirect the negative feelings into something more positive. Such as a hobby or making new friends. I freaking love Pinterest-it is my favorite way to past the time or take my mind off of things (besides chasing my son around all day long) because you can find crafts to make, new workouts to try, new recipes to cook-options are freaking endless!
- Life has a bigger plan for you in store. If I would have known that I would've met my husband today, I would have skipped through all those sleazy boyfriends and ex-husband and just went straight for him. But, hey, that wouldn't be very fun, would it? It's like skipping to the very end of the book without reading all of the chapters. Today, my husband and I have been happily married for the last two years and have the most beautiful little boy we could ever imagine! I never knew life could be so awesome!
- Shit could always be worse. Like, for instance: The Big Bang Theory coming to an end or Starbucks shutting down. No, but really though.