Tuesday, April 8, 2014

How Being a Perfect Mother Made Me a Lousy Wife

You might have recently given birth. That baby is already your entire world. You cannot stop gazing at him or her. Chances are, if you're like me, you can't even put them down! You tend to their every need at all hours of the day. You are constantly showering that baby with love-even when you're feeling like a zombie.

But what about your husband, the proud new daddy?

Often times, its so common that we forget about our husbands or push them to the side when a new baby comes along. But, don't forget dad. He needs attention, too. We often do this without realizing it. Mainly because that baby requires all of our attention. And the rest of the time we want to find some piece of selfishness to hold onto.  After all, we are just learning our new motherly duties.

I admit, I'm guilty! 

Since our son was born, I've been so wound up with him and every little step of the way that I've non-intentionally have put my husband on the back burner. Sometimes even without realizing it!

I see my baby growing and growing so fast and I do not want to miss those moments. I forget that my husband is growing old fast, too-I just don't see it as clearly as I do with Grey. We are all growing older. Why should I feel the need to not miss a moment with my newborn that I am missing moments with my dear husband?

Since I work from home, I jumped right back to it after Grey came home, but I made a vow to only write while he was sleeping. So as soon as he falls asleep, I jump right back to it! But when does this allow time for my husband, if I am either working or tending to Greyson? When I am not working or caring for Grey, my husband will take over the reigns to allow me some "me" time-whether it be going to get pedicures or taking a bath alone. Again, when does this allow time for my husband? It still does not solve the problem. And this is why many marriages are negatively impacted by a new baby. Who woulda thought, right? It's amazing how hard it truly is to split your time. What's helped me the most? PRAYER.

My husband is the most kind person I've ever met. He would never ever admit that I haven't given him enough attention since our baby was born. He supports me a thousand percent and never questions me. But my own personal conviction has made me realize that our husbands need some attention during this time as well! And sometimes we are just too tired to even think about giving our attention to another human being during this crazy new period of our lives. 

However, if we spend our time too focused on being great at one aspect of our lives, how will we ever have the opportunity to be great at the others as well?

I've learned that finding a healthy balance or moderation is the key to making yourself happy-and allowing life to go a whole lot smoother. Let's face it: we cannot be the best of the best at everything. That's just crazy! If we were perfect, we wouldn't need God. And I need God, trust me. But if we excel in one role, then it is only natural that our other roles in life whether it be being a wife, our career, or motherhood would not thrive as it should. That one person or thing will always trump the rest.

Our husbands may not require constant diaper changes, rockings to sleep, or around the clock feedings, but they still need affection and attention. They actually crave you more during this precious time.

Remember how your marriage was before baby came along? You couldn't stop showering him with love even when you're feeling tired, you couldn't stop holding him or tending to all of his needs, you couldn't stop gazing at him, and he was your entire world! If you treated your husband like you treated your newborn, you can find that healthy medium to a happy, healthy marriage, mommyhood, and life.

God bless you all!!



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