Wednesday, October 8, 2014

My Journey to Overcoming Postpartum Depression

A few months ago, I posted a blog called "When Skies Are Grey" which talked about my journey to overcoming postpartum depression. 

I am so glad to bring you guys a positive update.

As some of you know, I went and saw a doctor regarding my postpartum depression when my son was just 3 months old. Part of me wishes that I would have gone and seeked treatment sooner because I feel I missed out on so much time with him by being in this constant haze. But then again, the timing was perfect because I actually went and got help.

After my son was born, I remember standing in the hospital bathroom, looking in the mirror. 

I had never felt so empty in my life. This made me devastated.

I know what you are thinking: "But, that precious miracle is right in front of you!"

I get that.

But when you spend months trying to conceive this precious miracle, and once you become pregnant, you form such an attachment. Every little kick. Every little flutter. He was a part of me. LITERALLY. And once he was born, I guess I missed that so much that I would cry and weep daily. 

Don't get me wrong-I was filled with a TON of pride and happiness and so much joy in my heart after becoming a new mommy. I loved my son to the moon and back. I loved my husband for helping me to give life to this little boy. It was the fact that the negative or sad emotions were drowning all of the positive ones.

I figured it was just the baby blues, in the beginning. So I figured I would let it run its course.. until 3 months later when it was still happening. This made me realize that it was not just the blues anymore. I had to do something.

I was presecribed Zoloft 100mg daily. I have been on the medication for almost 5 months now and boy, oh, boy has it made a huge impact. I feel better. I am now able to enjoy times with my son and my husband. It is such a relief. For the mamas who have asked-Zoloft is safe during breastfeeding according to most doctors. I believe it is the one anti-depressant that has the most studies on it concerning breastfeeding & pregnancy, etc. I have not noticed any side effects in my son as we are still breastfeeding today.

I also spend my time meditating and doing yoga to help put my mind at ease. I have been taking stroller walks with my family after dinner some nights to help me unwind for the day. I have also invested in a new yearly planner so I do not get overwhelmed. 

However, there is no cure for depression. Depression is not something that you can wish away or pray away. I would not hope for depression on my worst enemy. It is a chemical imbalance within the brain-sometimes, way beyond our control. Do not ever let anyone tell you to just "turn it off." Because, you can't.

Sometimes, I still have my moments-after all, I am human. But, I deal with it the best that I can and with the love and support from my husband and son. 

I am so happy to say that I am happy and doing great. 
One day at a time.

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